Listen up, America!
This song's about a threat. It ain't anthrax, it ain't
small pox, and it ain't politically correct. Ain't
talking chubby, aint talking big-boned, ain't talking
corpulent, I'm talking FAT. You can call your love handles
anything you want to baby, but they're still gonna cause
a heart attack.
Do you know the muffin man, the muffin
man, the muffin man - Do you know the muffin man, who
lives on Drury lane? Yes, I know the muffin man, the
muffin man, the muffin man - Yes, I know the muffin man
who lives on Drury lane.
Do you know him? Have you
seen him? Look in the mirror, you just might be him!
You say you wanna lose weight, but it just don't work.
The pills taste too good, health clubs are for jerks.
You've tried reduction, lipo-suction, but you still got
a gut. Blah Blah. You wanna lose weight? Keep your
Chew it up, spit it out. Spit it out,
shut your mouth. You say you're large, you're overweight,
but you ain't just fat. You make a DC-10 look like a
tic-tac. You say your knees hurt. Well, how they supposed
to feel? You're like a Mac Truck - on roller blade wheels.
Got a big belly? Got a big butt? Get on the floor
and do the Muffin Man squat!
Blame the media, the
government, your pituitary. But the real problem is,
you can't lay off the dairy.
Indians and Africans
are all gettin thinner. Chinese gonna invade us, and
eat us all for dinner. Cause we fat, and salty - just
like a pork loin. Gonna deep fry and eat us, leave nothin
but the oink.
Gotta feed the baby, gotta feed the
belly. Gonna start a war, and watch it on the telly.
Fightin with the Arabs, to the winner go the spoils.
But we don't have to worry, where there's fat there's OIL.
You got a big belly, you got a big butt. Get off
the couch and do the Muffin Man squat! You think your
double chin is really, really hot? Get out of the fridge
and do the Muffin Man squat.
We drive gas guzzling
cars for our big fat bodies, while we preen, get surgeries,
and pretend we're TV hotties. Like a big public secret,
we hide under our hat. You can call someone a nigger,
but you can't call them fat.
You used to have muscles,
and work out, but have you lately? Now you're chubby
chubby cause You always clean your platey. Don't care
bout Africans starving every day, as long as you have
your truck - and whoppers done your way.
Got a big
belly? Got a big butt? Get on the floor and do the Muffin
We all know tobacco gives you lung cancer,
halitosis. But what about French fries building up arthrosclerosis.
In our precious children, in our pets, there goes our
future. I know you hear me singing, do you see what
we could lose here? Achievement, generations, hell -
we could kill the species cause you don't give a damn
and can't stop eatin all that good cheese.
big belly? Got a big butt? Get on the floor and do the
Muffin Man squat!
Do you know where mankind's heading,
do you know where we're going? As we fight, and kill
each other, eat ourselves into coma's? I'd rather see
a supernova of the galaxy than hang around as we slide
down the evolutionary tree.